My whole world took a flip. How did all this stuff happen? Five and a half years ago I was a selfish dude who cared only about myself. You and your feelings rated a big 0 on my meter. My life was a kill-zone where I was the victim. Self-medicating had me by the balls. Then bang!!
A judge sentenced me to prison and slingshots me into another world. I'm still trippin'. I mean....the world is full of haters who haven't even met me but don't like me. "Innocent" until proven guilty is a myth. That shit don't exist. So I'm glad there are so many people out there playing God. I used to smoke rocks, now I'm ducking trying not to get knocked the fuck out.
Somebody must be looking out for me. I mean my old crew from the street is still using dope, just like they were when I left five years ago. Some really fell on bad times and are currently pushing daisies.
Me? I got a second chance. The opportunity to get clean and repair all the shit I broke. And I messed up a super-sized bunch of shit. Don't think for a second I don't think about it either. Not a day goes past when I'm not reminded of the skeletons in my closet.
Sobriety is both a blessing and a curse. The curse being that until you address and begin to repair your faults, there is a lot of guilt. After all, your not self-medicating and that shit hurts. Unless your just a piece of shit and don't care. In which case you probably won't stay sober long, cause sobriety is as much for the people who love you as it is for yourself. Yeah, think about that.
So here I was last week, playing my guitar and singing. I stepped up to the microphone and looked out at nearly 300 prisoners. Then, setting on the front row was the warden, the head of classification and a handful of officers. This was the first time I have performed sober and the first time in five years I have played and sang.
I needed to do this. For me. There will come a day that I am free. Another day after that I will face some hurdle that in the moment will seem to big to cross. On that day, I will remember me, an acoustic guitar and the day I stood tall. The day I stood alone.
I will smile, realizing whatever silly thing I'm up against isn't' shit compared to what I've been through in my life. The thing that didn't kill me did indeed make me stronger.
David defeated Goliath with just one stone. However, David had the power of God behind his sling. I can't help but believe there is a greater purpose to my life. I'm blessed. You're reading a blog that is made possible because of you, the reader, and the people who believe in me.
After my performance last week I felt exhilarated. My level of confidence in myself has grown. The other day I was asked to teach in the next music class. My confidence was noticed and opened a door for me.
Over my lifetime I have seen many doors close. Quite amazing to now see them opening. Perhaps God is behind my sling as well. As long as hes' not behind the rocks being thrown at me, I'll be plenty happy.
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