There was a call-out for me to receive legal mail last Friday. At the set time, I went and picked up my documents. The Orange County judge has ruled to deny my motion and uphold the judges original sentence. Leaving me to finish my sentence of 12 years.
I took a deep breath as I read "denied". After all, it's my future we are discussing here. I exhaled, then began to walk again. That's exactly how I plan to handle this. One step at a a time. Phase two begins the appeals process. During which time I continue to count down the days of my original sentence. Either way, I'm coming home. Can't be stopped. I wasn't given life here, so my day will come.
Not long ago I was a very different person. I looked for people to blame. Got angry when things didn't go my way. Prison has changed that for me. Some people become ruined here. I somehow managed to recover some part of me that was lost. I live a little better, love a lot better and take nothing for granted.
This blog has become a way for me to get things off my chest. As form of a confessional, if you will. At times funny, generally very heartfelt, but even a tag aggravating to some. My life is at times all of these for some people. I don't figure everyone will like me. That's life.
However, instead of go sit in a dark corner and hide, I decided to put my life well into the open and allow people to watch me. That way you can form an educated decision about who I am. Rather than come to conclusions based on where I am.
If we truly believe nobody can change then this world is headed toward disaster. I would ask that you watch me and meet who I am today. There will be those, of course, who won't. They will use labels. They will be influenced by what others think. They will follow others rather than make their own decision. Believe it or not, I use to do just that. Everyone at the table is talking about so-and-so, why not just join is and do the same? Today I realized that once you walk away from that conversation, it more than likely will become about you. Some people are just shitty like that. Jerry Springer has made millions on the fact that our society is full of trash.
At some point I hope we all slow down and take the time to look over our own lives. Take a break from looking at everyone else and check on your own lest you become the next contestant on the Jerry show.
I will continue to move forward in my life. My family loves me and I can't wait to be free again. Even when I know I will be the topic wherever there is a group of people looking to point fingers. Well, if this blog helps me do my time, then perhaps watching me can help you do yours. Maybe if you'll open your heart, my life could inspire you.
Today I am free. Free from drugs. Free from anger. Free from the life I used to live. This freedom nobody can take from me.