The Rabbi Speaks

Always remember, from where you came, where you are at, and to whom you are destined to give an accounting to....

In my life these three things are of great importance and value.  Being confined is only a physical thing, and yet to some, it can also be a mental confinement.  Time and again I have seen men that have allowed this to occur in their lives, however, this is easy to over come by simply being at peace with ones inner self.  Yet, men continue to fall into this prison of one self.....trapped and at the mercy of their own subconscious. 

(You know what I talk about.)  The self doubt.  The second guessing.  The unsatisfied with your own answers to things, yet to hard-headed to take a friends advice.  I say awaken!!!

Be at ease with what you choose.  Only then will you start to unlock your mind from the prison that is your body.

In all my years of knowledge, I have yet to claim "chain gang wisdom" for every person that steps through that "door" week in and week out.  I see potential...both for good and bad...it's a scary thing for me to see what society has to offer "out there" every week as opposed to what's already "in here".  "Is this our future?" I ask myself as yet another pant sagging, teeth sucking kid walks through the door. 

Whatever took us on the wandering road here to this point has a purpose, or at least that's what I choose to believe.  And so I ask myself, "Why?"  Why are thing the way they are?

Well, for one thing, things are the way they are because that's the way I have chosen to see them.  Yet in the mist of all this frightful mess, I can (at times) see a flicker of hope.  A possibility, and that, that is what keeps me hopeful and moving forward. 

I pray (not as often as I should) that when you read this it helps you grab onto the "idea" that anyone can change things for better or for worse with a simple thought.

Imagine that concept in this day in age! 

Speak No Evil

My dad use to say if you have nothing nice to say do not say anything else at all.  

We might not always agree with others views on life, but we do not need to speak out against them.  

Here is my rendition to remind us to not speak ill of others, 

but rather live your life with grace and unconditional love. 

Happy Mother's Day

Remember when we were all young and the school had you fill out the list?  The things I love best about my mom?  Or what makes my mom the best?  Then we took that home and presented it to our mothers.  Mom then proudly hung it on the refrigerator door. 

Life comes along and picks up those sweet little kids and we find ourselves men who grew up all too quickly.  Today I am a prisoner.  Many things have changed in my life, but one thing remains the same...

I love my mom.

There's something very special about the woman who made your life possible.  Brought you into this world.  She changed your diapers, woke up in the night to feed you, and we dedicate one day a year to them.  I hope you do her better than that.

I am surrounded by men who for various reasons were taken out of society and placed behind a fence.  Here are some men who are proud to have an awesome mom in their corner.  Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there!

Today if you are missing your mother, please take a moment to reflect on the woman who made your life possible.  Hopefully you are living a life to make her proud and I believe she sees that.  Something to think about.

To recognize the beauty our mothers bring to our lives, we have place a flower for each of you below. 

I couldn't ask for a better mom, and I'm glad I got stuck with you.  I love you so much.  Thank you for everything you do for me.  Happy Mother's Day!  Love your son, Chris

A little boy and his mother were crossing a river,
Mother: "Please hold my hand."
Son: "No mom, you hold my hand."
Mother: "What's the difference?"
Boy: "If I hold your hand and something happens to me chances are I'll let go of your hand, but if you hold my hand I know for sure you will never let my hand go."

Mom, thank you for holding my hand every step of the way.  Without you, I don't think I could have made it.  Happy Mother's Day!  Love, Justin

Happy Mother's Day to a very special mom.  Thank you for your love and all you do for us.
Love Always, Your Son Michael

Mom and Nanny,  I want to let you know how much you are loved and thought about every day.  Thanks for everything you do for me.  I am blessed to have ya'll by my side.  You are the greatest mom and grandma anyone could have.  Lots of Love, Andy

Mamma dukes!  I love and miss you!  Wanted to wish you the best Mother's Day ever.  Keep your head up.  Your boy will be there soon.  Love, J

Sending my love to Zach and Alex.  Kiss my baby boy Bradley for me!  Tell Lindsey I love her and Happy Mother's Day to her too!  Love you all! See you soon.

The most beautiful person in the world.  I want to thank you for all you do for everyone around you.  Especially for the love and support you give Billy and I.  Hope this message makes your day and remember this day is all about you.  With all my love, Your Son Gerry

Mother's Day is the day we need to not only appreciate the person, but also the feeling, the emotion and the love we get from all the women in our lives, especially our own mothers and the mothers of our children.  I personally have been blessed not only with a mother that has provided the love and support in every aspect of life, even in the hardest times like now, but another woman that has been through everything with me, still loves me despite my flaws, and has given me a beautiful child.  To you, mom and Ashley, I love you both with all my heart.  Thank you for being the strong, loving women you are.  Thank you for being awesome mothers!  Happy Mother's Day!  Love, Scott

Lynne, Happy Mother's Day!  I love you mom, for reasons that are unlimited, endless...however, here's a few to say "I love you":
1.  For always being there by my side through thick and thin.
2.  For showing me your unconditional love no matter what I've done wrong.
3.  Most of all, for just being you and being such a great mother.

I know that I've been a derelict vessel a drift in an ocean of chaos while you've been my mooring, always holding strong.  So I want to say thank you, for everything and for being my mother.  I couldn't do this without you.  I love you and I miss you.  I wish you the very best Mother's Day!
With Love, Ran

Hey Mom,  Happy Mother's Day!  I want to thank you for always being there for me.  I know I haven't always done the best things, but thank you for never given up on me.  I'm sorry I'm not there this Mother's Day, but I will be for the next one.  I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and thank you for being a great mother.  Love you son, Brett

Miss B, first and foremost I just wanna say "thank you" because I don't know how things would be if I didn't have you in my life for 37 years.  It seems as if the whole world has turned the other cheek.  I wonder if I didn't have you there how would I be able to communicate back-n-forth with my kids?  When the world gave up on me, and at times I even wanted to give up on myself, you were there with unconditional love that carries me safe.  I want to thank you for being the best mother to me, and also the best grandmother to my kids because there is no-one quite like you.  No matter how many years pass by you'll always be the best mom this life has to offer me.  I'll always be J.T. and I'll never forget how all through my life you sacrificed to make sure your four boys had.  Thank you for loving us, and working all those long hours to pay the bills.  I know that things are going to change with time, when God feels it is time for me to go home.  My aim in life will always be to try to do as much for you as you did for me, my brothers, my kids and my nephew.  I love you mom.  Happy Mother's Day!  Love, Steven

Mom, thank you for your support through all my trials and tribulations, most of all this current setback.  You've always been there to help me keep my head held high, my chin up, and to know that there are always going to be brighter tomorrows on the horizon once I get home. Have a very happy Mother's day!  Love, Jay

Terry, Happy Mother's Day!  I am proud to have you as a step mom.  You have always been there for me no matter what.  Sometimes I chose not to believe it, and yet you were still there pulling me out of the hole I dug myself in to.  Thank you for being there watching over me in time of need.  I love you and miss you, and can't wait to be home again.  Happy Mother's Day.  Your son, James

First and foremost I want to thank the people who make it possible for us to be able to do this.  Secondly, I want to send a shout-out to my mother Tracey Callis.  Over the years that I've been on this earth you've done nothing but show me love and compassion and taught me how to be a man.  Without you by my side these past three years pushing me, guiding me, and supporting me I don't think I would have changed for the better.  Now I have my GED and a trade, and I owe all of it to you for the love and support you have given me.  I know it's been a rough three years, but I want you to know that I am truly grateful for everything you have done for me.  Just know that I come home soon, and I plan on showing you that I'm a better person/son than I was before.  Thank you.  Also, I would love to tell the mothers of my children, Kayla and Renee, thank you for being such wonderful mothers to our kids.  I can't wait to come home and take up my responsibilities as their father.  Last, but not least, I want to tell Jeannie, Samuel and Landon that daddy love ya'll and I'll be home soon.  I love you all!!  Love, Ryan

  Mother's Day is a very sensitive day for me.  I lost my mom 32 years ago and my wounds are sill as fresh as ever.  I see guys all the time that don't appreciate their moms.  Taking for granted what others yearn for, that mother/son bond.  On this day, I also share another bond with someone I love dearly.  My sister Sandy.  She raised me when our mom died and was always caring and giving.  She helped me through rough times and has stood beside my through this sentence.  She is what I call my SisterMom.  She is the best mom to her two boys and a caring daughter to our father.  Today, I want to wish her a Happy Mother's Day.  I love you, sis!  Your brother, Benny

First, I would love to tell you Happy Mother's Day!  Mom, thank you for (NEVER) giving up on me, through all the trouble and all the pain.  Even when I gave up on myself, you were there for me.  I wish I was home to spend this day with you.  Because of mother's like you, you have this day.  I have my eyes open, my mouth shut and my chin up.  Thank you for everything you've done for me.  I love you so much mom.  Love always, your son Anthony Eric 

Mom, I want to say you're the best mom there is.  I am blessed by Jehovah God to be your son.  I want you to have a special day on Mother's Day and the other 364 days also.  You're always in my heart and prayers and thoughts.  I love you mom!  Your Son, David

Hey ma!! Happy Mother's Day! Thought I would do something different this time and not a month early...HA!  I love you, Atom

Mom, so many times you have been my rock, my ear in all things personal, my most trusted adviser and, of course, my biggest supporter, not to mention my biggest fan.  Yet to so many others in our family, you have been that and much more: grandma aunt, best friend, sister, but....to me you will always be my mommy.   Happy Mother's Day, from me and your grand kids.  Love always, Michael

To the best grandma in the world:  Happy Mother's Day!  See ya soon.  Your grandson, James

Even though things are tough right now, they will get better.  That's a promise.  Happy Mother's Day!  I love you and miss you with all my heart.  Love, Billy

Nearly every kid filled out the top ten things you love best about your mom.  I love my mom because she makes the best macaroni and cheese in the world!  Then you grow up and your top ten list changes.  I love my mom because she loans me money when I'm broke.  Well, I love my mom for many reasons, but my top answer would be because she never gave up on me.  Mom has stuck beside me for 34 years of hooliganism.  I say that now with a smile, but have caused my mother many tears over those years.  Mom, I get a little better every day.  Life continues to teach me lessons.  Thank you for never giving up.  Happy Mother's Day!
                                                                                    Your son, Michael


This year you are enjoying your mother's day in Australia.  Both of us, Brooke and Michael, wish you a beautiful and happy Mother's Day filled with endless love.  Thank you for your unconditional love.  We hope you are having a great time down under!!  We love you!  Always,  Brooke & Michael

J.J. Takes a Bow

My dad came to visit me last weekend. Two weeks before that, Brooke came to see me. During both visits there were guys I do time with enjoying visits with their families as well. Both Brooke and my dad were able to meet a couple of the guys that have graced the Jailbird Project.

Since starting the “shout-outs,” dozens of men have enjoyed taking part in giving their loved ones a message by means of the Jailbird blog. Jailbird originally started with both my art and short stories about my daily encounters. Over time, we opened the door for other inmates to speak their mind if interested. It seems that the idea of a prison blog is somewhat new. Every prison I go to immediately locks me up under investigation while they look over the webpage.

I have been told on different occasions that I cannot write the blog. ...That it's in violation of the department of correction's rules. In fact, it's not at all.

Coming to prison means you are taken out of your life on the streets. Your freedom of speech may not be taken. At time,s that offends people. It will happen whether you are in prison or in the free world. When you say cops are fat and sit on their asses eating doughnuts, it's gonna piss off the police out there as well as the police paid to babysit us in here.

My point is that, even though we all have free speech, it pays to pick your battles. The things I say on this blog are often times taken out of context. The media has always been good for that. The old cut and edit method. You go from hero to zero in seconds.

Well, as I spent time with my loved ones in the visiting park, I was blessed to meet family members of the men I do my time alongside. Seems the Jailbird isn't just offending people; some are truly enjoying the blog. I had a handful of people come up and tell me how the Jailbird has changed their life. How reading the blog had pulled them back from the edge. They said they didn't know what they would do without it. Ok...I'm bullshitting now.

I was told how cool it is and that families are touched to see their loved-ones on it. A couple ladies said it was well-written, but could I please curb my language a little bit? And you know what? I'm gonna work on that just for you. Along the way, I ask you to continue to work with me.

Allow me to personally thank each of you for following the blog. A few of you were friends of mine before prison. Thank you for taking this ride with me. Many others I don't know personally. You may have accidentally come across the Jailbird page. ...Sorry about your luck! Others have heard by word of mouth. Lately, many of you have sons, brothers, or husbands who are doing time with me.

Whatever has brought you here, please allow me to say thank you. Thank you for standing beside your loved one doing time. In some crazy way, I feel each of you stands beside me while I complete my sentence. And when someone asks you if you know anyone doing time, I hope you reply that in fact, you do.

The Jailbird blog has become an outlet for me. Writing about my life and how I feel lets me take this life a tad bit easier. On top of it all, lately we have had these shout-out sections, where my brothers join me in greeting and bragging on their family and friends.

As a reader, please feel free to take the time and leave a comment after anything you read on the blog. All comments are copied and sent back to the prison, where these men look forward to reading your words. Perhaps all you want to do is tell me I have a potty-mouth. Well, I hear ya!

Thank you, dear readers, for making the Jailbird one of the fastest-growing blogs in the United States. Quite frankly, this blog could save your life. We are currently researching whether or not it may cure cancer. It WILL reduce stress. And isn't laughter the best medicine?

Much love,
The Hooligan

The Horse

Today I was sitting here reading the January issue of The Horse Magazine.

The reason I'm reading a back issue is because the Florida literary review committee has deemed them a threat to the well being and security of inmates.  Therefore, have rejected my last three issues.

The thing that amazes me is that we are in a men's prison.  Not the boy scouts.  Every man here is over 18.  We can fight for our country, give our life on a front line, buy beer and cigarettes, but all the music you purchase on your MP3 player will be completely edited.  Recently it's been the publications.  My Men's Health was rejected because it taught you how to tie a knot.

You learn how to tie your shoes at like 5.  It's a milestone in a boys life.  If you don't know how to tie a knot and you are currently old enough to do time in a men's prison, then you're two fries short of a happy meal.  If this is the case, than clearly you need to learn to tie one.  Did the prison stop to consider this would be a good thing?  

If you're over 18 and can't tie a knot you need to learn.  And you'll no doubt be so proud of yourself, the last thing on your mind would be a noose to hang yourself with.  That's the only threat I can think of.  Other than that, not much else would constitute a knot as a threat.

So what's the problem with The Horse Magazine?  Before prison, I was a terrible drug addict.  I was fortunate to be a drug addict with a motorcycle.  I dated a woman in my late teen years who owned a Harley Davidson Sportster 1200.  After riding it for nearly a year, I purchased my own.  I went for a 1997 Road King with the quick detach saddlebags and windshield.  This way I could quickly transform a touring bike into a sleek old girl with curves to kill.

Riding that bike was the only time I was free from the prison addiction placed on my life.  So today, in my current prison, I enjoy revisiting that freedom.  And I do that when I sit down and read The Horse.  Notice I didn't mention that other biker magazine?  Although it's wonderful to see half dressed women draped on motorcycles, I like to see bikes that even I could afford.  If you'll turn with me to page 32 of The Horse issue #126, you will see an article written by a dude called Mudd.  An underground chopper story called Nikki.

If you consider your relationship with your bike a love affair, you need to read this man's article.  Brilliant.  I do a little writing myself, and was moved to tears to see a man as passionate about his bike as I am.  This magazine is tasteful and even a conservative woman like my own is not put off my the women featured.  It's obvious to see that The Horse is a magazine about the bikes, the men who build them, and then actually ride what they build.  When the prison rejects my magazines I take option number two and send them home.

Home is where my wonderful lady patiently awaits my return.  While she waits, she can read my rejected issues of The Horse.

Fantasy Dragon

This is J.J.'s first dragon that he started over two years ago at his previous camp... 

Monkey on your back meets chasing the dragon meets doing time = dark side of life.    

Van Holton's Pickle

(Side note from Brooke: So....J.J. called this evening and said that a conversation among canteen operators was overheard.....about a call from Van Holten's Pickle Company.  I wonder what that could be about??)

What's your claim to fame?  Not that any of us are seeking to rank among the Hollywood elite.  Rather I refer to the things that make us rank above the rest.  Like that lady who brings her famous potato salad to every church pot luck because she has refined the potato salad that most closely resembles manna straight from the heavens.  Perhaps it's the arch you have carefully put on your eyebrow.  Honed, or rather plucked to perfection after years of trial-and-error behind a mirror.  Today the bold statement in question goes to the Van Holten's Pickle Company.

The Van Holten Pickle Company claims that since 1898 they have stocked shelves with a jumbo dill pickle.  These pickles are sold through the prison's commissary.  Over the past year I have seen the quality of this jumbo pickle drop.  Most often the pickle is an ingredient of our prison goulash.  Although it is rumored, there are many uses, I am personally only familiar with it's use in goulash recipes.  However, dare I say the pickle in question would be a complete let down in any application. 

A handful of inmates, including myself, recently wrote letters to Van Holten's Pickle Company.  I had to chuckle at the thought of some PR manager having all these letters come across his/her desk, addressing the size of the pickles they are delivering to the prison system.  I will assume there is a certain level of humor to this whole grievance.  Personally, I wonder if the womens prison has attempted to do the same....

In a perfect world, we should probably never inform Aunt Edith that her broccoli casserole has over time fallen off.  Instead, out of love for the old bag, you should probably take seconds.  Even if they only make it as far as the nearest can.  However, if she shows up and puts a tip jar beside her dish, then you have decisions to make.

Well, folks, as long as Van Holten Pickles claims quality jumbo pickles, and I have to pay for them, I want a pickle that will fill me up!  We boldly proclaim we want more than bite size...we want a mouthful! 

I was honestly surprised to see the participation in this matter.  As inmates, we have a right to grieve rules and stipulations handed down on the institution level.  At times there are consequences, which tend to cause most inmates to never exercise that right.  Instead they sit back and shut up.  Since coming to prison I have been amazed by the number of guys who claim to have been pimps and gangsters on the street.  Now they're afraid to write a grievance.  Guys who will tote a gun and smack a lady, but won't push a pen.

Well....never fear!  Today we are standing up for our pickles!  Maybe tomorrow we will stand up for a full bar of soap instead of only half.  We are moving mountains ladies and gentlemen...one pickle at a time!  

Orientation

I was just enjoying my toilet-bowl seat.  My front-row-seat at the Lakers game. 

Since my release from the box, or confinement, I have been housed in what's called the orientation dorm.  New fellas from off the street, fresh to prison come to this dorm.  Here they go through orientation.  Watching movies about prison life.....How to identify a poisonous spider bite.  What staff infection looks like.  How to try and avoid prison rape.  You know....regular stuff every prisoner should know. 

So the dorm is what's called an open-bay dorm.  A large common area with bunks.  Then a day room area with tables and benches to play games and watch TV in. 

The shower and bathroom area are also open.  Eight toilets sit along one wall.  No dividers and there's about an arms reach from the next stool.  Makes it easier to pass the morning paper or loan toilet-tissue to your neighbor. Though I am not a big fan of being sandwiched between two wet swinging dicks in the shower, I noticed I can now watch TV while I take a dump.  Not only that, but it's basically front row seating. 

Before I went to confinement I was housed in two-man cells.  A door closes on your room and you have privacy from the other jack-asses you live with. 

Now, I find myself in open-bay housing sleeping in a whole room full of really dumb people.  One could even wonder if this is some further form of punishment.  I'm quite comfortable in the box.  Once again, it's two-man cells that I find best for me.  Perhaps they figured the best punishment was to stick me with orientation inmates. 

My mother asked me how I liked the open-bay dorm.  Mom likes to know things. 

There's just no respect between these guys.  Men that have been in prison grow to respect another man's space.  These new guys carry on a conversation right over your head to their home-boy three bunks over.  Yelling through you as if you're not even there.  I usually just put my ear buds in and crank up my music. I can see their lips moving, but can't make out what they're saying. 

Then there's the other group of dudes fresh to prison.  All they can think about is getting all tattooed while they are in.  They get all excited when they see me.  Wanting to talk about tattoos.  Usually, they have none, see how many I have, and think I must be the guy to talk to.  So, I have to explain to them that I have 99 problems and a tattoo is not one of them.  In other words, I let them know D.O.C is all up my ass already and I don't need the added stress of being marked as the tattoo guy.

Yes, I have a lot tats....I tend to get tattoos, but I do not give them.  I draw....with an ink pen.  And then I send my art home.  I get money.  I don't need to draw shit for these guys.  Still...they bug me.  Every time I draw, someone asks.  I have nearly 200 pieces of art on the Judicious Jailbird art gallery.  I don't have any interest in drawing the silly bullshit these guys ask for.

These days I remind myself that once upon a time I was new to prison life.  There was a time I was a gung-ho kid that wanted to get a bunch of tats before I went home.  Now, I'm a heavily tattooed man that just wants to go home.   

Given time these guys will change too.  It's all a joke to them now.  Let them do a few years and see where they're at.  I look around me and realize there are a lot of hard lessons to be learned by the guys around me.  Well....nothing like a front row seat at the school of hard knocks.....